Travelling

The problem with airports is women.  Hundreds of beautiful women walking around in their business suits or their casual Tuesday attire, all walking to their departure gate where their plane will inevitably take them to far off places.   Never giving me the chance to talk to them and certainly never giving me the chance to make a genuine connection.   Sure they’re nice to look at, but there is nothing you can do to make it more than that and you just become frustrated.  Come to think of it, that’s the problem with strip clubs as well (not that I've ever been to a strip club, mother).  Granted, if I tried to make an airport connection, the conversation might go something like this:

Me:   “Hey”

Beautiful girl:  “Umm hey”

Me:   “We don’t have much time since we’re both leaving and all, so I’ll make this quick.   I think you might be my soul mate.   I know we don’t know each other, but I’d really like to. After I get back from New Zealand in a few months of course.”

Beautiful girl:  (Speechless with mouth agape)

Me: I know this is all very fast, but my gut is telling me that there could be something fierce between us

 Beautiful girl:  “Ummm I’m married”

Me:  “Oh.  Well, I’m very sorry to hear that.  Maybe my gut was just slightly misguided.  Is your friend single?   No?    Well after talking to you, you’re not really my type anyway”

And so on and so forth.

The wonderful thing about airports is all of the other people.   They offer great people watching, fantastic random conversations, and none of the unrequited love.

I had an old Irishman come up to me in the San Francisco airport and ask where he could get his currency exchanged to Canadian dollars.  While showing him the way, he started to tell me that I should really visit Ireland because it is a really great country and that the youth there are very friendly. Then he says: you try to ask a question to a youth in this country…. Well forget about it!   I had to agree with him for the most part and we had a good laugh.  He thanked me for my trouble and we went on our merry ways never to see each other again.  He will forever bring a smile to my face, whereas beautiful women only bring grief (sigh).  

There are so many things to write about already.  For instance, the flight on Air New Zealand was an amazing experience.   To start off, the instructional video that teaches us how to put on oxygen masks and how to stay alive in case of a crash was directed and narrated by Richard Simmons!  He was doing his classic stretches to a Tina Turner song in a discoed out flight cabin and instructing us through the safety steps.  It was hilarious and informative. I wish more American companies would loosen up and get the stick out of their asses.  Second, the in-flight meals were pretty damn good, and was served with NZ wine.  Free booze on an American airline?  Inconceivable!  Third, the whole staff was friendly and funny and brought around pitchers of water every half hour to keep us hydrated without wasting extra plastic bottles.  Fourth, there were 70 on-demand good movies to choose from,  and a slough of music, games, and TV shows.

The only minor complaint that had was.... well, they lost my luggage.  But I think that is the fault of the baggage people, not my wonderful, new favorite airline.  So, now I am in a sort of cluster-cuss that is slightly annoying, but I've always said: "It's not an adventure unless something goes terribly wrong".